猪年快乐

In one hour time, it will be the Pig Year...

Happy Piggy Year to all.

As usual, traditionally... today is the CNY eve, every family will gather together and enjoy the reunion dinner together. I don't have hometown at other place, it's where I live, the people are the one I meet everyday. And we did have the dinner just now -- steamboat -- with all kinds of fishballs etc...

Then, I was asked to wash the dishes, and I was willing to do that of course. While busy washing, my aunt (the eldest one) was trying to take away a big plate of jelly (agar-agar) which was just made about 2 hours ago, into the refrigerator. Since it had not yet become solid-like/gel-like, the liquid spilt, not all though...
She was unhappy and hated to clean the mess, as her first intention was good to help us to keep it cool in fridge. I was still washing the plates, I purposely made some sound to show that I had been irritated by her words, then she started to scold me, with some non-related things; e.g: you think you're very clever, always get good result, always pretend to be good, pretend to be very polite, blah blah blah... many more..

I was like loosing my temper, I scolded her, I screamed loudly, I denied what she said, I've never said I'm good, I've never thought my result is good, I'm always under pressure, I admit I'm rude, I've nothing good... OK! I had almost become mad!
She always likes to say that to me... I have feeling, I can't bear it... I'm not genius, I'm not perfect at all..

I've been very independent, what do you want me to be? I was/am not staying with my parents for these growing-up years, I've already tried my best to behave myself, not to be a bad girl, tried to study hard to get myself not a STUPID title.
I really hate people saying those things to me, I'm very sensitive to them...

THis is the 2nd time I cried in year 2007....
By the way, thanks to my parents for being considerate, they were at their shop while the incident happened, they didn't ask much when they saw me 'hiding' in the room, they didn't scold me for I being so rude to my aunt... Although I think they didn't really know what I was thinking and facing, they must have thought I was angry just because she spilt the jelly liquid.

I think I'm actually mentally ill.

Sorry, can't help for being so down... and now is already Chor 1 by the time I write this sentence.
I will try to be happy in this Brand New Pig Year.